The Schaffers: April 2012

I want to start this segment by saying two things. First, like any other situation God's ways are always higher than ours and you can always find something good in a situation that seems mostly bad, heart breaking and even overwhelming. Secondly, I know there are so many people who have experienced much worse with the NICU than Justin and I had to endure. So as I explain what we went through please understand that I realize our time was very short and not life threatening. That being said, it doesn't minimize the pain that I felt.

As I mentioned in my last post, about 8 hours after the boys were born it was decided that they needed a little extra attention and were sent to the NICU at UT hospital. It absolutely broke my heart into a million pieces. This was something that I for the last seven and a half months had prayed against. However, like I said before, God's ways are higher than mine and I knew that He was still in control. Jacob's pulse ox rates kept dropping and he was going to require some oxygen. Jackson's only issue was that he was having trouble getting to the body temperature that they like to be maintained. It was only 1-2 degrees below normal. We made the decision that it would be best to keep them together and to go ahead and send them both in case anything were to happen. Turkey Creek Medical Center was not equipped to handle any emergency situations for them. Around 2am on Friday they wheeled both of my boys into my room in these large contraptions that they would be transported in to UT. It makes me want to cry even now just remembering the pain I felt as they came in the room and I had to say goodbye. My heart was just shattered. We prayed for them and watched them leave.

Jacob was put on oxygen but by noon on Friday it was removed. He did have some trouble eating so they inserted a feeding tube down his nose. Jackson was just monitored for his temperature and was mostly fine. Friday morning Justin went to check on them. I stayed at the hospital because I hadn't been released yet to go visit them. Friday afternoon I was able to go see them. It was so hard to walk in to that big room with so many incubators and teeny tiny babies but so joyful at the same time to be able to see my babies and feel like a normal person (since all the crazy medicine had worn off).

Jackson

Jacob

Jackson

Jackson on the left, Jacob on the right

Jacob

Jackson

Sunday morning Justin and I got up and went to church. It was just what I needed. I hadn't been to church in several weeks since I had been on bed rest and missed it so much. It was so wonderful just to be in God's presence and to be surrounded by such wonderful friends and their support. After church we went home and had a yummy Mexican lunch provided by Bro. Josh and then we went to the hospital to spend some time with the boys. When we got there they had moved the boys into their own private room. Grammy and Aunt Amy came to see them while we were there too. Grammy had Easter baskets for the boys. It was Easter Sunday so while Justin and I were there alone with the boys we talked to them about Easter. We told them that Grammy was bringing them Easter baskets but wanted them to know that Easter was not about Easter baskets, toys and candy. Jesus had died on a cross for our sins and then rose from dead. What a wonderful thing to be able to hold our children and tell them about Jesus and what He has done for us. I know they didn't understand but it is never too early to surround them with the Word and pray over them. What a blessing that was to me to be able to do that. Here are some pictures from our day on Sunday.

Their private room. That is Jacob's bed and Jackson's was on the other side of the room.

Daddy getting ready to change Jackson's diaper for the first time. I let him have the first one because I was honestly a little nervous. They were so tiny and fragile. I got over that super quick!

Daddy changing Jackson

Jackson so fresh and so clean!

Mommy feeding Jackson

Mommy cuddling with Jacob

Daddy feeding Jackson

Daddy cuddling with Jackson

Night Night time for Jackson

Mommy and Jackson cuddling

Grammy and Jackson

Aunt Amy and Jacob

Jackson with his Easter basket from Grammy

Jacob with his Easter basket from Grammy

On Monday Tonya came and picked me up to take me to the hospital because Justin had to work. We decided it would be best if he waited and use his time off when the boys were actually home. On our way there Justin called and said they had removed Jacob's feeding tube. (Even though he was working he couldn't stay away from the boys for too long). I was so happy. That was a huge deal and one of the things that was keeping us there. They were very strictly watching what the boys were eating, how much and how long it took them to eat. The problems that they were taken to the NICU for were no longer an issue. It was just a matter of making sure they were eating well. The feeding tube being removed was major progress.

Tonya and Jackson

Daddy feeding Jacob

Jacob

Tonya and Jackson

Mommy and Jacob with no feeding tube!

Jacob

Jacob getting his hearing test

Daddy and Jacob

Daddy and Jackson

Jacob

Monday we saw a doctor that said we were looking at about 24-48 hours until going home if the boys continued on the positive track they were on. So we were anxious to see a doctor on Tuesday to see where we were. On Tuesday we saw a different doctor. He came in and asked if we had a plan yet. I said we didn't but that I would love to have one. He said that he would review their charts and come back with a plan. He left for quite some time and then came back and said we would be able to "room in" (we had to spend the night at the hospital and care for the boys through the night for them to see how we handled it. That was the craziest thing I had ever heard of. If they wouldn't have had to go to the NICU we would have left the hospital and brought them home like any other person who has a baby!) on Wednesday night and then bring them home Thursday. We were SO EXCITED! Until about 30 minutes later when he came back in the room and said he hadn't looked at everything and saw that Jacob had some heart rate dips and he needed to be watched for three or four more days. I was absolutely devastated and furious all at the same time. How dare you come in here without looking at everything and tell me that I get to take my children home and then take it back?! That was so hard to go through. It was such a roller coaster...but only the beginning.

Wednesday Grammy and Poppy came to see the boys. We saw yet a different doctor on Wednesday. He came in and started talking like the boys were ready to leave. I said well the doctor yesterday told us we could go home but then changed his mind because he said Jacob was having heart rate dips. He said he would look at the chart and let us know. He left for a while and then came back and said that none of the heart rate dips were significant events and they were all self-reversed...meaning Jacob did not have to be stimulated to bring back the heart rate to a normal level. They were always very fast down and back up. He said I think we should schedule to room in Thursday night and go home Friday. Again we were so excited but were cautious with our excitement.

Poppy and Jackson

Thursday came and we planned to room in. Still hesitant to get too excited and sure enough the roller coaster took off again. We saw yet another doctor on Thursday. He came in and said that we could room in but he wasn't sure if Jacob would be ready to come home. He said that he wasn't eating as well as Jackson. Well that was just about all I could take. I had been there every day and was watching how much the boys were eating and got a report from the night shift nurses every day as well. I didn't say anything to the doctor because I wanted to check with the nurse first. When she came back in the room I told her what the doctor had said and she said I have no idea what he is talking about. She said Jacob had been taking his minimum every single time and often times was exceeding it and exceeding what Jackson was taking. I said that is what I thought!!! She told us not to worry about it and that he probably wouldn't be the doctor to release us the next day. Then the wonderful doctor (sarcasm) who started the whole roller coaster on Tuesday came by Thursday evening before we started our "room in" and told us yet again that Jacob may not be ready. Well I just let him have it. I told him how ridiculous it had been for us to see a different doctor every day and receive a different report from each doctor. I told him it was a heart breaking roller coaster. I also brought up the fact that the one doctor didn't think the heart rate issues were significant and that the other doctor who had issues with his eating could not be supported with facts. I said I realize you are the professional and if my son truly needs to be treated then I want him to be but I am the Mom and I want him home with me. He said that the strength of their practice was having multiple doctors to draw experience from. Well I am sorry but you need to come to parents on a united front. It was just ridiculous. Justin and I were so torn because we aren't medical professionals and didn't know if Jacob truly needed medical care or if we could fight to bring him home. The thing of it was that they had received zero "medical" care since Monday when Jacob's feeding tube was removed. They monitored them but never did anything for them other than feed them and change their diapers...and they didn't even do that very well because both of my children ended up with raw bottoms!

Thankfully we ended up "rooming in" Thursday night and were released to go home on Friday. The doctor that came in Friday morning was yet again a different doctor. He came in, listen to the boys for a second and asked if we were ready to go home. We said yes and he said ok the nurses will get the paperwork together. Literally was there for less than two minutes and had nothing medical to say to us. Thankful that it was all over but the whole thing was so very frustrating!

That was an extremely difficult process to go through. However, we do have two very healthy boys and it could have been very different. Also, after being home we have discovered that these boys will sleep through absolutely anything. It was so loud in the NICU so I think they will sleep through anything because of that. Also, they were put on a very strict schedule which has been very helpful since being home as well. We would have been fine without that help from the NICU but I try to look at the bright side of everything. I wish things could be different there at the UT NICU just for the sake of some other parents. I know nothing will change our situation but if I could save another mother from the heartache I went through because of their stupidity I truly would. Bottom line is we have two very healthy boys at home with us and we are oh so thankful!!!!

Well April 5th started out like a lot of Thursday's before it. I had a doctor's appointment scheduled at 9:00am for an ultrasound and visit with Dr. Evitt. The night before my Uncle Roger had made a prediction that my water was going to break at 9:37am the next morning. Very random number but we packed our bags and loaded the van to go to the doctor just in case Uncle had heard from the Lord. :) We got to the doctor's office and had our ultrasound. According to their calculations the boys had only grown 2 ounces each from the last time. She said Jacob was 4.9 and Jackson was 4.15. In ten days they had only grown 2 ounces each and the ten days before that they had grown about a pound each. I was a little concerned that they hadn't grown but she said that it could be just because she was having trouble getting to them because they were so cramped Then we went to meet with Dr. Evitt and she was concerned about the lack of weight gain. Then she did an exam on me and discovered that I was 3cm dilated. I was completely shocked. I hadn't slept at all the night before because I was kind of uncomfortable. I guess I was having contractions and didn't know it. They hooked me up to a monitor in the room immediately to check on the boys' heart rates and to see if I was contracting. Sure enough I was having some pretty close contractions and wasn't even feeling them. So Dr. Evitt decided that today was the day that we would meet our boys. We were so excited and I was nervous. I knew that it was early and desperately did not want the boys to have to be sent to the NICU at another hospital since the one I was delivering at did not have one. Justin was about to burst with excitement. So they took me off the monitor and sent us over to the hospital. Uncle's prediction wasn't exactly correct but wasn't too far off. All of this had happened by 11am. Dr. Evitt said she would schedule our c-section for around 3pm that afternoon. It was all so unreal.

I got over to the hospital and get situated in a room. We had this huge room that was about twice the size of all the other rooms. It was kind of nice. After getting to the hospital so much is a blur to me. Before the surgery I was too nervous and anxious to remember what was going on. I know Mom, Dad and Amy came to sit with me. I tried resting since I hadn't slept the night before but there was just no use. I think it was around 3:30pm when they came to get me to take me back to the operating room. Once I got in the operating room they sat me up on the table. The anesthesiologist started talking to me about what he was doing, there was a nurse in front of me holding my hands, another doctor in front of me talking to me, and so many other nurses running around. I remember they only had one bed in there for the boys and they didn't know where the other one was. For some reason I started worrying about that...ha! The doctor had told me once they gave me the medicine they would have to lay me down very quickly...well I had no idea how quickly. They basically pushed me down. I was like well ok then there ya go. :) LOL It was a very weird feeling. The whole time I was laying there I just wanted Justin in there so bad. Eventually they got started and Justin came in. I was completely surprised how much I actually felt them working. Not pain just weirdness of pulling and pushing and tugging on me. Then it happened...

I heard the first cry of Jackson Wayne Schaffer at 4:22pm and nothing else in the world mattered. Then two minutes later I heard the first cry of Jacob Wendell Schaffer at 4:24pm. It was absolutely amazing. Everything seemed kind of crazy after that. Justin was taking pictures and the nurses were working on getting the boys cleaned up and I was being put back together. Also, once the boys were out I started to feel sick and just out of it. I got to say hi to the boys while Justin was holding them. Then they took us to our room.

I remember being rolled out of the operating room and that is about when I went into la la land. I can see in my mind leaving the OR but can't remember making it to the end of the hall to my room. There are only bits and pieces of the rest of the night that I remember. I do remember going to our room and them giving both boys to me to hold. I don't think I held them for very long. I asked to nurse them and they let me try for a half second with Jackson. I think they realized I was pretty looped out. The next thing I know the boys are gone to the nursery and my mom and sister are by my bed taking care of me. I threw up a couple times but mostly just couldn't keep my eyes open. I couldn't focus on anything and lost all track of time. I remember them saying that if the boys made it past the first four hours without needing a NICU they would be out of the woods. I knew they were in the nursery and Justin would come back every now and then and tell me they were ok. The next thing I know it is after midnight and there is a doctor telling me they are taking my boys to the NICU at UT hospital. I was so confused, so sick, so out of it and nothing was making sense. I kept saying, "I thought they were ok." I guess the blessing in disguise of me being so sick and so out of it was that I didn't know what was going on. Had I really know what was going on it would have been much harder for me to lay there for 8 hours without my children while they were in the nursery. The doctor explained to us that Jacob's pulse ox rates were dropping and that he needed some oxygen and that Jackson was having trouble maintaining his body temperature. I just remember sobbing uncontrollably because I hadn't even hardly held my boys, I thought they were ok and now they were taking them away. They brought them in to me to tell me goodbye before they left for UT. They were already strapped down in these big contraptions. I felt like a terrible mom because I didn't even know who was who. Justin had to tell me. We prayed over them before they left. Oh it makes me want to cry just thinking about it now and they are here with me now! It was absolutely heartbreaking. Again...saving grace was I was so out of it that I was just able to go to sleep and not think about it too much.

The next day I was feeling much better and like a normal person. I got to look at all the pictures and video from their birth and after. Justin had been in the nursery with them the entire time. The pictures of him taking care of them just make me cry. He stepped right into being a father and took care of our boys without any hesitation. He is such an awesome daddy. We weren't sure when I was going to get released to go see the boys so Justin went Friday morning without me to check on them. Friday by noon Jacob was completely off of his oxygen. Friday evening I was able to go see them for the first time and really hold them.

What an amazing blessing Justin and I have been given in these two little boys. They are just so wonderful. I couldn't ask for anything more.

There are more pictures of Jackson because he was able to leave the nursery for a bit and Jacob wasn't.